What Makes Love Succeed or Fail?

What if I told you there were proven habits that could make your relationship healthier, happier, and longer lasting? Research has revealed that by staying aware of how we interact with our partners and embracing specific patterns we are less likely to get divorced and more likely to be in a satisfying relationship many years from now.

Today on The Doctor’s Farmacy, I’m excited to talk to two leading experts in the field of healthy relationships, Drs. Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman, cofounders of the Gottman Institute. Together, they’ve coauthored many bestselling books, including Eight Dates, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and most recently, The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy. The Gottmans have been able to predict with 90% accuracy if a couple will stay together or get divorced, after just 15 minutes of observation.

Much of their previous work has focused on the key problems that lead to dysfunction, but their newest book is all about redirecting our attention to what works to create more love and connection. I think of these tips as microtools for the moment that help us put deposits into our emotional bank accounts.

Throughout our conversation, they share a few key examples of healthy habits in a relationship. One is embracing a “turning towards” dynamic means when your partner makes a bid for connection, you respond. Another is simply complementing or affirming your partner, something many of us do much more at the beginning of a relationship but do less of as time goes on. Curiosity is another one, which means just by asking questions we can create a deeper understanding of our partner's current reality and how they’re evolving. With the right intentions and actions, we can create more love and connection.

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